13 Federal Crimes that are Almost Too Bizarre to Believe

From transporting fake teeth across state lines to helping pirates, federal law includes some truly bizarre crimes. The government doesn’t even know how many laws are on the books. Officials estimate at least 4,000 federal criminal statutes exist, but the exact number remains a mystery. With that many laws, it’s no surprise that some are outdated, unnecessary, and downright strange. Here are 13 bizarre federal crimes that actually exist.

1. Transporting Dentures Across State Lines

18 USC 1821 makes it a crime for non-dentists who make false teeth to ship their product out of state. This jaw-dropping law was enacted decades ago but doesn’t have much teeth to it.

Maximum Sentence: One year in jail.

2. Using Smokey Bear or Woodsy Owl Without Permission

18 USC 711 and 18 USC 711a make it illegal to use Smokey Bear, Woodsy Owl, or their slogans (“Only you can prevent forest fires” and “Give a Hoot, Don’t Pollute”) for commercial purposes or profit without government permission.

Maximum Sentence: Six months in prison.

3. Providing a Pirate with Provisions

18 USC 1657 makes consulting, corresponding, or providing a pirate with provisions a felony offense. Yes, actual sea pirates.

Maximum Sentence: Three years in prison.

4. Climbing a Tree at the Supreme Court

40 USC 6133 makes it a federal crime to climb a tree at the Supreme Court. The branches of government apparently have limits.

5. Writing a $1 Check

According to 18 USC 336, issuing a check, note, or token for less than $1 can cost you your freedom.

Maximum Sentence: Six months in the slammer.

6. Injuring a Government Lamp

40 U.S.C. §8103(b)(4) makes it a federal crime to “injure” a government-owned lamp. Don’t let this one leave you in the dark.

Maximum Sentence: Six months behind bars.

While these laws may seem humorous, federal criminal charges are no laughing matter. Understanding the difference between state and federal crimes is critical if you’re ever under investigation.

7. Roller Skating in an Undesignated Area of a National Park

36 CFR 2.20 prohibits roller skates, skateboards, and coasting vehicles in a national park unless there’s a specifically designated area where you’re allowed to let the good times roll.

Maximum Sentence: Six months in jail.

8. Mislabeling “Turkey Ham”

9 CFR 381.171(d) strictly prohibits labeling the words “Turkey” or “Ham” in different sizes, fonts, or colors on a Turkey Ham product.

Maximum Sentence: One year in jail.

9. Issuing a False Weather Report

Today’s forecast is… 90 days in jail! 18 USC 2074 makes knowingly giving a false weather report a federal crime. This could apply to fraudulent forecasts that affect commerce or public safety.

Maximum Sentence: Three months in jail.

10. Importing African Rats Without Permission (Unless Boiled, Salted, or Stuffed)

42 CFR 71.56(a)(3) and CFR 1240.63 make it illegal to bring African rats into the United States without permission from the CDC unless they are fully taxidermied or properly processed.

Maximum Sentence: One year in jail.

11. Letting Pigs Graze on Federal Grass

18 USC 1857 makes it a federal crime to knowingly let pigs, cattle, horses, or other livestock enter a fenced-in area on public land where they might destroy the grass.

Maximum Sentence: One year behind bars.

12. Flashing the 4-H Sign Without Being a Member

18 USC 707 makes it a crime for people not associated with the 4-H youth organization to use or display the emblem, sign, insignia, or words.

Maximum Sentence: Six months in jail.

13. Taking a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 on a Plane

Emergency Restriction/Prohibition Order No. FAA-2016-9288 makes it a federal crime to carry the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 on a plane in any manner. This order came after a series of incidents resulted in the phones catching fire and exploding.

Maximum Sentence: 10 years in federal prison and up to a $179,933 fine.

Learn more about the most common crimes in the United States.

Watch: Why You Need an Experienced Federal Criminal Defense Attorney

Frequently Asked Questions About Federal Crimes

What makes a crime federal instead of a state offense?

A crime becomes federal when it violates a federal statute, occurs on federal property, crosses state lines, or involves federal agencies. Many federal crimes carry harsher penalties than state offenses. Learn more about the differences between state and federal criminal charges.

How do I know if I’m under federal investigation?

Signs of a federal investigation include receiving a target letter, being contacted by federal agents, learning that colleagues have been interviewed, or discovering that financial records have been subpoenaed. If you suspect you’re under investigation, contact a federal criminal defense attorney immediately.

Are there any defenses to federal crimes?

Yes. Defenses depend on the specific charge but may include lack of intent, constitutional violations during the investigation, mistaken identity, or challenging the sufficiency of evidence. An experienced federal defense lawyer can evaluate your case and build an appropriate strategy.

What are the penalties for federal crimes?

Federal penalties are governed by the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines and can include prison time, substantial fines, supervised release, and restitution. Sentences are calculated based on the offense level and the defendant’s criminal history. Many federal crimes carry mandatory minimum sentences.

Facing Federal Charges? Get Help Now

While this post highlights some amusing laws, facing an actual federal criminal charge is never a laughing matter. Federal prosecutors have vast resources and high conviction rates. If you or a loved one are facing federal charges, you need experienced defense attorneys on your side.

At Varghese Summersett, our team includes former federal prosecutors who understand how the government builds its cases. We have the knowledge, resources, and courtroom experience to fight for the best possible outcome. Schedule a free consultation today by calling 817-203-2220 or reaching out online.